Looking Back Before Moving Forward

Tonight is basically my last night in town...I mean I will be back for two days to grab my stuff before I move in, but basically this is it. After an eventful day at SixFlags (which the new Texas Giant is the best ride EVER) Tiffany and I went up to the football field. We sat under the stars and just reminisced. There are so many things I look back on from senior year and wish I had done differently.

I wish I would have not let petty things get to me. So much of senior year was good, and I glanced over it for the most part and focused on the bad. The insignificant drama of teenage girls that honestly won't be in my life anymore consumed me for a while. I allowed things that didn't matter affect my mood, and steal my joy. I was blessed so so much with a handful of mentors and teachers, great friends, accomplishments, and honors. I wish I would have been more joyful. I wish I would have focused on the good and spreading positivity to a school so dark. I feel like our senior class was so negative. We all talked about how much we hated Boswell and how ready we were going to sprint as fast as we could away from it. But tonight laying on that turf I remembered the things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss Blue Crew with all of my heart. Being on a student pep group was so fun. We did whatever we want, acted as stupid as we wanted, and supported our football guys. Friday Night Lights will always tug at my hearts strings. Remembering homecoming night, being blessed to be nominated for queen and getting all gussied up and walked down the field by my beautiful mother. Remembering Varsity Soccer from Freshman & Sophomore year, I wish I would have kept playing. I miss playing my favorite sport since I was 3. Remembering standing on the far left side by the band concession stand when we were in middle school so anxious to be able to stand in the student section. Only to be sorely disappointed when it wreaked of alcohol, weed, and people who had less school spirit than a flat tire. Remembering when our boys made it past the first round of playoffs for the first time in a looong time. The best football game ever, the fans (we actually had fans that game!) rushed the field, Coach Ab almost crying he's so happy, hugging all the sweaty guys and not wanting that moment to end. For once we were all proud to be a pioneer and shared something in common. When our boys came back and beat Heights after trailing 30 points? We were going to the Cowboys Stadium! We were on top of the world. 

I regret being such a bitter person my senior year. I regret not making a conscious effort to be positive and joyful. I regret letting petty things ruin many days. I regret not being the person God created me to be. But now that I recognize my mistakes, I'm going to learn from them.

After dinner with my favorite Junior, well now Senior girls, it was all I could do not to break down in tears. I love those girls so much. I don't want them to make the mistakes I did senior year. I want them to be joyful always, cherishing the good and disregarding the bad, not affected by drama, and to stay true to themselves. 

With the new beginning I am given in college I've learned a lot about myself in high school and plan on never allowing distractions take away from recognizing the blessings I have. I actually will miss the simplicity of Boswell. Knowing everything is going to be ok no matter what. College is a different story and I'm heading for it full force in 9 hours.