Spending the break here in Saginaw has been, to say the least, eye opening. With one semester finally under my belt (whoop!) I can say that I have noticeably changed. My sense of who I am and who I want to be has grown immensely and my friends from high school have done the same.
I feel like a ghost in this town. Going to my high school's choir concert, football games, etc. the younger Bos kids run and hug me as if I have been gone for eternity. It is all smiles and reuniting. However with majority of people from my graduating class the sentiments are much different. Making plans to be only broken, and quickly to be informed the plans continued, simply without me. Watching people I held dear to my heart, and continue to do so, become people they swore they never would. Experiencing the same old games girls played in high school. I have grown so much this semester. My grudges that were firmly in tact senior year dissolved quickly upon moving out and honestly I was excited to hear all about everyone's new life and where they were spending their time, what they are passionate about, who they have become. But I am a ghost.
I am acknowledged the same way I was my senior year, and in some cases not at all. I drive through town and see my friends together laughing, catching up, enjoying each other's company once more but I was not invited. Whether you want to admit it or not it would hurt anyone. Honestly though that's not what hurts the most. The worst thing is watching people I once was so close with and continue to care about fall away from everything they stood for.
Drinking, sex, and drugs are all common components of our society lately, but to watch my friends fall away from their faith and into these empty, temporary solutions to fills their voids kills me. But even their actions aren't the worst part. The absolute worst part of this situation is having to watch silently. I feel as if I am watching a horror film where the girl is walking into the dark basement where the killer is awaiting her curiosity to get the best of her. I'm screaming at the television NO! DON'T GO IN THERE! but my cries go unheard.
Being treated as if I don't matter when I'm only wanting to talk to them, not even necessarily about their choices just to talk to them breaks my heart. It did in sixth grade, it did senior year, and I think it might just hurt worse now.
My expectations for home were much different. I expected growth to be able to talk to each other. I guess that is just too much to expect. I apologize for this dramatic sad story, but I just can't get it off my mind. College is about growing, and sometimes growing is painful. This is the real world and I'm just going to have to get used to it. I will continue to pray for each one of them and just hope the Lord will bring them out of destruction before it is too late.
Picking myself up, dusting myself off, and continuing on. You may think it's stupid but I am still going to care about them. It's something Jesus calls us to do. I just wish they would allow me to show it.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Unexpected Nostalgia
Sitting alone in my dorm I decided to go through and weed out the unnecessary pictures that consume my Facebook. Talk about an unexpected trip down memory lane. Pictures from every event, dance, sleepover, get together, really anything since sophomore year were there. It's crazy the things we stressed over so intensely during the times of those pictures. With each new photo I am teleported back to that quick snippet during high school.
I am so thankful for the high school experience I was given. I was blessed with great friends, organizations, family, church family, and young life club. I am so thankful for every bit of it. Looking back at some pictures I will admit stings a little and prods a few healing scars, but never the less I'm thankful for the good that was there. Each relationship, each friendship were all so great in their time and some continue on today. The Lord has truly worked through all instances and it has only been 5 months since I graduated. I cannot believe how long ago high school seems and how quickly these photos became simple representations of distant memories.
Each picture brings back a sense of reminiscing of the simplicity of high school, knowing I was going home to a wonderful mother, and knowing exactly what to expect from school and friends the next day, being involved and making some sort of difference on the Boswell campus. Pictures of graduation and prom make me tear up. Call me a baby all you want but some of those memories are so precious to me, but the people that complete these memories are even more special to my heart.
I am so thankful to the Lord for the four years I was blessed with at Boswell. Sure they weren't all fun and games, smooth, or easy but they were all worth it. I can genuinely say I took something away from each situation, friendship, and relationship. I'm thankful that He changed my heart and taught me compassion. I didn't love people as I should have, especially senior year and I still regret how bitter I was. The Lord is good and has softened my heart; He has broken my selfish defenses and replaced them with a heart of compassion. His plan is good and we cannot begin to understand how things are working for the good in the middle of them, but once we are out of the storm it's a beautiful sight. Thank you Lord.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I'm all in.
Ever since the summer before my junior year in high school the Lord has put Africa on my heart. I look in the eyes of the people in pictures and see a longing for love, a longing to know more, a longing to belong. These past two days have been Go Missions Conference here at A&M and I found the p.e.r.f.e.c.t. organization that I would want to go and serve with. African Inland Missions utilizes whatever skills you have and sends you with seasoned missionaries to the heart of Africa to build relationships and serve the communities. After earning the right to be heard by forming these relationships are we able to share the good news of Christ. wonderful.
There are 900 people groups in Africa that have never heard the name of Jesus. wrap your mind around that. nine hundred people groups. These aren't people that don't believe because they choose not to or don't understand it. These people have never heard of Jesus. I can't even imagine this. My heart breaks for Africa.
The culture is centered on the women do the hard manual labor for the families. The children do the house work. The men are served. A widowed woman has no status in the society. To find work for them is nearly impossible much less a purpose in society. Orphans are considered dogs and useless. This is a broken society. There is so much need.
I know one day the Lord will open the door for me to mission in Africa, however I know that he has called me to a much different kind of mission right now. As crazy and weird and unfitting as it sounds, the Lord has called me to rush next fall. Yes. Brooke Allen is rushing Greek Life in the fall. This is 100% God's doing. He is calling me to love on the girls on campus who need it most. Now of course not all sorority girls are the "typical sorority girls," but those that are need love more than anything. Girls who hide behind pounds of make up, drinking, sex, status, popularity, etc. do so because they have no sense of self worth.
At first I really struggled with this idea. "I wouldn't fit in. I'm not like them. It so isn't me." man did I have myself on a pedestal. No. I am no better than anyone. much less girls who are different than me. Jesus came into the world where it was uncomfortable for him. He stood out and didn't exactly fit in. Why? Because 1. he was called by the Father to do so and 2. because he loved us. boom. We are called to model our lives after Jesus, humbling ourselves and loving all people and following God's plan.
I am training to be a YoungLife leader for heaven's sake! I cannot wait to love on high school girls in the area struggling with these same problems. My heart is in helping girls realize the Jesus is the only man who can complete your heart and that we are all beautiful just as we were created. So yea. Brooke Allen. A sorority girl. Honestly, I'm excited. Excited to be out of my element and to make new friends where I never would have before. To make memories and plant some seeds. The Lord is the only one that can change people, I'm just wanting to be his hands.
I will go where you call Lord. Greek Row to whatever YL high school to Camp Ozark to Africa. Whatever you have planned Lord I am all in.
"If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
I need You" -Shane and Shane, "Without You"
There are 900 people groups in Africa that have never heard the name of Jesus. wrap your mind around that. nine hundred people groups. These aren't people that don't believe because they choose not to or don't understand it. These people have never heard of Jesus. I can't even imagine this. My heart breaks for Africa.
The culture is centered on the women do the hard manual labor for the families. The children do the house work. The men are served. A widowed woman has no status in the society. To find work for them is nearly impossible much less a purpose in society. Orphans are considered dogs and useless. This is a broken society. There is so much need.
I know one day the Lord will open the door for me to mission in Africa, however I know that he has called me to a much different kind of mission right now. As crazy and weird and unfitting as it sounds, the Lord has called me to rush next fall. Yes. Brooke Allen is rushing Greek Life in the fall. This is 100% God's doing. He is calling me to love on the girls on campus who need it most. Now of course not all sorority girls are the "typical sorority girls," but those that are need love more than anything. Girls who hide behind pounds of make up, drinking, sex, status, popularity, etc. do so because they have no sense of self worth.
At first I really struggled with this idea. "I wouldn't fit in. I'm not like them. It so isn't me." man did I have myself on a pedestal. No. I am no better than anyone. much less girls who are different than me. Jesus came into the world where it was uncomfortable for him. He stood out and didn't exactly fit in. Why? Because 1. he was called by the Father to do so and 2. because he loved us. boom. We are called to model our lives after Jesus, humbling ourselves and loving all people and following God's plan.
I am training to be a YoungLife leader for heaven's sake! I cannot wait to love on high school girls in the area struggling with these same problems. My heart is in helping girls realize the Jesus is the only man who can complete your heart and that we are all beautiful just as we were created. So yea. Brooke Allen. A sorority girl. Honestly, I'm excited. Excited to be out of my element and to make new friends where I never would have before. To make memories and plant some seeds. The Lord is the only one that can change people, I'm just wanting to be his hands.
I will go where you call Lord. Greek Row to whatever YL high school to Camp Ozark to Africa. Whatever you have planned Lord I am all in.
"If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
I need You" -Shane and Shane, "Without You"
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Romans 8
If you need a boost step away from the 5 Hour Energy Drink and dive into Romans 8! This passage has pumped me up so much! Our God is so good. These are just some of the things that stuck out to me:
Well before the Jesus Pep Rally, the Lord reminds us just how much we in the flesh need Jesus. "Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:8). Dang. The idea that we being indulged by worldly desires and loving any part of the world we cannot in anyway please God. How hard is that? To not be chasing the world, money, careers, fame, relationships, etc. If we find our peace and joy in these things we are hostile to God. (verse 7). Now that is a challenge.
Here's the uplifting part I was talking about. "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received he Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15). Holy moly. through Christ's sacrifice we are freed from fear. There are so many things is this world I fear: tragedy, loss, rejection. The Lord has FREED us from fear and replaced it with adoption into in God of the universe's family. Hold up. Take a breath. We are adopted into God's family. I don't know about you, but this verse gives me chills. He is our Abba, Father. How blessed are we.
"And we know that for those who love God all things works together for good, or those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). Peace. It will all be okay. No matter the size or severity of any obstacle we face, the outcome is going to be for the glory of God, and the good of his children. Peace.
The chapter ends in this rally cry. "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39). Now this...this is what I was talking about. Absolutely nothing in this Earth can separate us from God's love. Even when we want it to. When we are down and out and hiding from God, he is always there. His love knows no bounds and nothing we can do wil screw our relationship with him up. He will always love us. Through him we are more than conquerors. I am so pumped up by this chapter! I'm a little white girl, but through Christ I'm more than a conqueror?! Powerful.
There is so much in this passage that i could go on and on. Those are just the things that stuck out the most.
Overwhelmed. Adopted not enslaved. Empowered. Loved.
Thank you Abba, Father.
Well before the Jesus Pep Rally, the Lord reminds us just how much we in the flesh need Jesus. "Those who are in the flesh cannot please God." (Romans 8:8). Dang. The idea that we being indulged by worldly desires and loving any part of the world we cannot in anyway please God. How hard is that? To not be chasing the world, money, careers, fame, relationships, etc. If we find our peace and joy in these things we are hostile to God. (verse 7). Now that is a challenge.
Here's the uplifting part I was talking about. "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received he Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15). Holy moly. through Christ's sacrifice we are freed from fear. There are so many things is this world I fear: tragedy, loss, rejection. The Lord has FREED us from fear and replaced it with adoption into in God of the universe's family. Hold up. Take a breath. We are adopted into God's family. I don't know about you, but this verse gives me chills. He is our Abba, Father. How blessed are we.
"And we know that for those who love God all things works together for good, or those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). Peace. It will all be okay. No matter the size or severity of any obstacle we face, the outcome is going to be for the glory of God, and the good of his children. Peace.
The chapter ends in this rally cry. "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-39). Now this...this is what I was talking about. Absolutely nothing in this Earth can separate us from God's love. Even when we want it to. When we are down and out and hiding from God, he is always there. His love knows no bounds and nothing we can do wil screw our relationship with him up. He will always love us. Through him we are more than conquerors. I am so pumped up by this chapter! I'm a little white girl, but through Christ I'm more than a conqueror?! Powerful.
There is so much in this passage that i could go on and on. Those are just the things that stuck out the most.
Overwhelmed. Adopted not enslaved. Empowered. Loved.
Thank you Abba, Father.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Intentional
Something we discussed at YoungLife Leadership this week was the idea of intentional relationships and how truly important they are. When going to a high school to hang out with kids, we need to know them by name and take the time to go to them, choose them, and give them a since of love they might not get everyday. This got me thinking...is it not important to be intentional in all relationships? Maybe that is one of the reasons our world is so broken.
If we would stop to take the time to truly get to know others, give them our time and full attention whole heartedly rather than begrudgingly. Here is the kicker though: Jesus did it. In Luke 19 the story of Zacchaeus the tax collector is told. He couldn't see Jesus in the crowd so he climbed a tree. Seems simple right? Think about in today's world how hard it is to see Jesus. High school, college, even adults are constantly blinded from Jesus by the distractions of the world. Facebook, studying, and Twitter are what get in my way. Jesus pointed to Zacchaeus, called him by name, and told him he wanted to hang out with him. Zacchaeus. The chief tax collector. The head honcho of the guys ripping the innocent off. Jesus wanted to spend time with Zacchaeus.
I am blown away by the love of God every day. He comes to us just as we are where we are and wants to spend time with us. This is a concept so many of us miss with one another. Being genuine and caring to everyone we meet? That's tough. But striving to live like Christ is not easy. If the world was intentionally relating to one another think of how different it would be.
Jesus is such a cool dude.
If we would stop to take the time to truly get to know others, give them our time and full attention whole heartedly rather than begrudgingly. Here is the kicker though: Jesus did it. In Luke 19 the story of Zacchaeus the tax collector is told. He couldn't see Jesus in the crowd so he climbed a tree. Seems simple right? Think about in today's world how hard it is to see Jesus. High school, college, even adults are constantly blinded from Jesus by the distractions of the world. Facebook, studying, and Twitter are what get in my way. Jesus pointed to Zacchaeus, called him by name, and told him he wanted to hang out with him. Zacchaeus. The chief tax collector. The head honcho of the guys ripping the innocent off. Jesus wanted to spend time with Zacchaeus.
I am blown away by the love of God every day. He comes to us just as we are where we are and wants to spend time with us. This is a concept so many of us miss with one another. Being genuine and caring to everyone we meet? That's tough. But striving to live like Christ is not easy. If the world was intentionally relating to one another think of how different it would be.
Jesus is such a cool dude.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Hallelujah
As I have completed my first week of college and my first two weeks living here in College Station, all I can think to sum up my experiences is "hallelujah." PRAISE THE LORD. Every experience good and bad has been a true blessing. Friends, community, education, music, organizations. Everything has been nothing but a blessing.
I have met so many people who I know will be a part of my life now until it is through. God has brought me to a place where I have mentors and older people investing time in me and loving on me for the simple reason that God does. I have friends that I can speak openly about my faith with at all times. Being blessed with the best Impact camp Omega Judah is one of the biggest blessings in my life right now. So much spiritual and righteous love between counselors and campers who are all now on the same playing field. All friends. All chasing Christ. Come on! I have never been so overwhelmed by the grace and love of God. I look to the sky and say Hallelujah. He is good. All things go according to His plan by His will. He loves us more than we will ever know. Through good and bad times the Lord is always there always listening and always ready to help us all we must do is ask for it.
I am so grateful to the Lord for blessing me with Texas A&M. The people I have met, the place I now call home, everything is such a huge blessing. My cup overflows.
Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Once Upon A Time
Tonight is the first night officially away from home. My dorm is all set up and probably the cleanest it will ever be, all my pictures are hung, and my pillows are strategically placed to compliment each other. I am ready for college. Today went nothing like I expected it to.
First off four of my friends were at my house before 7AM to see me off. Tiffany, Meredith, Hayley, and Jacob are awesome. Seriously. Anyways so as I was hugging their necks and waiting for the waterworks to begin...nothing. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a crier. I absolutely hate it, but I definitely cry at just about everything. But today pulling out of my driveway and waving as I watched my best friends fade away into the distance not a single tear fell. Weird. Then after spending two hours setting up my dorm and making Bed Bath & Beyond and Target runs, as I hugged my mom and grandma's neck, not a single tear! I don't get it. I guess this whole "being on my own" concept hasn't exactly set in yet.
I love my dorm. I love my new friends that I spent time with randomly today. I even love the peaceful quiet of my empty dorm room. Tomorrow my roommate, Hannah, moves in. She is an awesome Christian girl and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for our friendship this year in Aggieland.
Today marks the beginning of the rest of my life and all I can think about is how amazingly blessed I am. I have a loving family, everything I could ever want/need for college, and some rockin new friends. The Lord provides! I'm so excited for this year! Thus begins my fairytale...
First off four of my friends were at my house before 7AM to see me off. Tiffany, Meredith, Hayley, and Jacob are awesome. Seriously. Anyways so as I was hugging their necks and waiting for the waterworks to begin...nothing. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a crier. I absolutely hate it, but I definitely cry at just about everything. But today pulling out of my driveway and waving as I watched my best friends fade away into the distance not a single tear fell. Weird. Then after spending two hours setting up my dorm and making Bed Bath & Beyond and Target runs, as I hugged my mom and grandma's neck, not a single tear! I don't get it. I guess this whole "being on my own" concept hasn't exactly set in yet.
I love my dorm. I love my new friends that I spent time with randomly today. I even love the peaceful quiet of my empty dorm room. Tomorrow my roommate, Hannah, moves in. She is an awesome Christian girl and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for our friendship this year in Aggieland.
Today marks the beginning of the rest of my life and all I can think about is how amazingly blessed I am. I have a loving family, everything I could ever want/need for college, and some rockin new friends. The Lord provides! I'm so excited for this year! Thus begins my fairytale...
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